[dandelion]
a poem after a self portrait
One foot in front of the other You have traveled for miles So many, you’ve lost count There’s no way to track No road signs to point you this way or that Just you, your feet, this grey road, the waves of sensation through your body Is this what Orpheus felt like? Hearing echoes of voices, but seeing no one Fighting to keep eyes ahead When only wanting to look behind See proof of this thing he hoped to be true One foot in front of the other The only proof you carry now Is the aching spidery sensation crawling down your spine There is no familiarity on this road With the exception of the bodily pains that radiate through More a slow burn, deep ache There is no pattern to adequately measure it by One foot in front of the other You occasionally see friends, But you realize quickly they cannot pass the fence They hurl what offerings they can towards you sometimes falling short Short of what is needed to penetrate the pain The fog that rolls in and out, clouding your brain To really understand what it’s like to be here everyday To understand the isolation despite them being only steps away It’s not their fault, of course One foot in front of the other you have been walking so long you forget where you are What you’re doing here What the point of all of this madness is A lightning strike behind , within? Did you imagine it? The fear asks Don’t let it in. You’re not crazy That wiser voice steps in through the din One foot in front of the other Keep walking Slowly No, faster now There are moments to pause Rest stops along the way In your lover’s arms, with your daughter, laughter, Survivor, fantasy books, gummies go a long way sustain you for a little while Then their potency fades away For you always come back to this never ending road In all of its miserable shades of grey With every step you take The color of those memories saturates day by day Sucking whatever joy you’ve picked up Turns it a pale shade of slate One foot in front of the other Finally stepping off the road again to ask for directions This time you chose wisely They offer their help Actually believe you Cut out the growths inside you Causing your insides to melt Into one another Yet, Even with these answers the road remains Grey but…a little less bleak Is that the sun kissing my cheek? One foot in front of the other You notice a yellow dot up ahead As you approach you see A fuzzy yellow dandelion has forged its way through The impenetrable concrete and Onto the road It’s slipped between the cracks Made its home beneath your feet. You crouch down run your fingers over its fur It’s simple Sweetness and pleasure Illicit an involuntary pur the urge to pluck it, take it with you Overwhelms all else But you pause Choose instead To let it live so the next traveler may see This little dandelions tenacity Stroke its furry head Take in the medicine it offers When their world’s colors start to lack. One foot in front of the other You set off again You start to come to terms with the fact That this road of yours will never actually end Until you die of course But you don’t have any interest in that There must be some more vistas, relief Then you notice a melange of multicolored dots on the road up ahead they come in all shades periwinkles, oranges, whites, reds, yellows, pinks Your breath settles in You feel the knot in your chest release For though your road does not end today You finally feel some relief Perhaps not in your body But in your soul For you are reminded so potently That you are not alone Many, too many, others have come before You certainly won’t be the last So you place One foot in front of the other as you take in this wild garden left by travelers past With the intention of making your journey A little less bleak A smile steals across your face Their petals smile back One foot in front of the other For once, you listen to your body when she says “There’s no need to go so fast.”