[the odyssey]
an ode to 24+ hours of unexpected travel home, spending the night in the airport and still not being home-o yeah, did I mention I was in the hospital?
The muses haven’t been speaking to me, at least to write, for at least a week I like to think they were letting me enjoy my vacation sending me 'ingredients' to collect for a later date in: tuscan sunsets too beautiful to put into words A love ceremony for the ages Pirates of the Caribbean screening on a Tuscan hillside?!! adventures with old friends and new time trailing behind my mom in wonder through marble quarries, craftsman workshops, the juiciest tomatoes ginormous snippets of beauty and goodness too big to comprehend, let alone write about, in the moment like they were meant to be stored away to fuel up my soul for this week that's followed. But I don't think that's how it works? But It's hard AF for my mystical mind not to think it was all too good to be allowed to just have that goodness without paying some kind of price! I sit here in an empty airport terminal phil collins songs, fluorescent lights providing the perfect ambiance for Mike to sleep on the floor beside me, It feels hard not to curse the gods God Universe? Shake our fists at the sky and wonder “What could we have possible done to earn this?!” did they know I was a witch when I lit all those candles in casting spells in every Italian church we stopped into ? bitch, they already knew as if 'earning' fate is a thing is fate a thing? woah buddy. bathroom time. I flicker my eyes open from my in between sleep hamster-wheel of thoughts, unwinding myself from the pretzel I've folded myself into to use the bathroom for the umpteenth time, grateful at least the horse pill of acetaminophen is doing it’s job to stave off the headache I earned when I collapsed onto the bathroom floor a few mornings ago. I leave him hidden behind suitcases My stomach grumbles, lurches urges me to hurry up. I want to be grateful that this means the antibiotics are doing their job to fight the abdominal infection that caused said collapse in the first place but I'd really like to get some more sleep. "This will make for a funny story one day" we keep hearing saying Our mantra holding us together through this sleep deprived, mind bending madness. I guess, at a certain point it just is fucking ludicrously comical to think we have any control over anything whatsoever Our perfectly planned week of return: work, plans with friends, seeing our girl, scheduled to a T Went right out the window the second my head hit the bathroom floor. How sweet, I think, as I shuffle along to through the empty terminal, that I thought the wildest part of our week would be that I had to be rushed to an emergency room, spend one day and two nights in an Italian hospital while my sweet husband, (good GODDESS my husband, my love, my fucking ROCK, my tender hearted champion, who has carried me through thunder storming Florentine streets, three different countries and this absolutely insane week with tenderness, care, humor, steadfastness-not that we ever expected anything less...though I guess the Universe saw fit to show us that the ‘little vacation squabbles’ we’d been having were just silly child’s play and decided to give us a swift dose of reality to ground us into what’s good and true in the midst of crisis) and my fierce wonderful mom, who we'd been adventuring Italia with, (o gosh my MOM, my AMATXU,A LIONNESS, a warrior of the highest caliber who charged through the emergency room doors when they wouldn’t let her in, found me and insisted on getting information about my status when I was too weak to advocate for myself, not to mention sang me songs from Disney's Mulan to keep me conscious and continued to talk about how beautiful the art we were encountering even at the hospital! were as we shuffled along to the ER ) did everything for us. Physically, logistically, with limited service. of course, now they hit me, the muses-not Mike and my mom, you crazy, sitting on the toilet in an airport bathroom at 2a awaiting our flight after we sat on the tarmac for three hours only to be told it would be delayed another eight hours (sidenote we were supposed to have been home so many hours ago but a broken jetway caused us to miss our connecting flight home so we got diverted, delayed, o yea and did I mention I'm still ILL?!) anywho. we're sleeping here tonight. because every single fucking thing that you could possibly imagine going wrong that you (I/we) have no control over on a travel day? has gone wrong. yay. the thoughts start to run as swiftly and explosively as my diarrhea: IhateDeltaI'mnevertravelingagainwhatdididotodeservethiswhattheactualfuckiwishiwasn'tsickimissroxieimissmybedneveragainfuckingfuckdeltaandthatfuckingbrokenjetway *organ chord* the first chords of one of my favorite songs in the world instantly dehydrate the runs of my thoughts Florence Welch's voice lofts into the airport bathroom *Regrets collect like old friends Here to relive your darkest moments I can see no way, I can see no way And all of the ghouls come out to play And every demon wants his pound of flesh But I like to keep some things to myself I like to keep my issues drawn It's always darkest before the dawn* Water rushes forward from my tired eyes I finish my other business overcome with the notion that I know what I must do I leave the restroom as the first travelers of the morning trickle into the terminal not a moment of self consciousness alights as I lift a knee to my chest, Florence’s voice swelling carrying my tired feet on a vibrant wind, and SKIP again and again as high as I can as far as I can *And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat 'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me (oh whoa) Looking for heaven, for the devil in me (oh whoa) the music builds to it's climax I run in place frantically *But what the hell, I'm gonna let it happen to meeeeeeeee, yeah* I let all tension go, swivel my hips, throw my hands in the air the terminal my playground The tuscan sunset comes back into momentary memory view The need for blame, for answers can wait I finally relinquish control *Shake it out, shake it out I shake my hands Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa ferociously Shake it out, shake it out I dance Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa ferally And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back I shake my feet So shake him off, oh whoa I land Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh (what the hell) eyes closed Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh hands on my resilient body Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh feel my ribs move rapidly Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh in and out Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh my lungs reach for air Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh (what the hell) confusing this brief exertion for a SoulCycle class given their current state Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh my tummy grumbles on Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh my mind free. I open my eyes I am back at our corner Mikey still asleep on the floor Travelers don’t bother pay attention The cleaning crew cleans on a smile bursts through my face I check my clock twenty seven hours of travel down three more to go until we're (hopefully) on "a 747 headed for JFK" I pray I don't smell too bad thank the muses for paying me a visit helping me pass the time wish for a little more sleep dream of my bed of finally seeing our sweet Roxie girl and vowing to not travel again for a long long time.... or not. *** P.S. fuck Delta. P.P.S. the opposite of fuck to our village <3 P.P.P.S. I'ts 5a now and I no so secretly hate anyone who's come to their airport gate now and are like "I'm so tired" wah.-pshh yes I can be petty spaghetti when I wanna. You're welcome. P.P.P.P.S. here's a not at all comprehensive playlist of the songs I've heard come on between my ocean sounds while in the airport overnight. It's hilarious. Enjoy.
hi :) I’m as okay as can be. have missed this. more soon <3
xo
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